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 What better way to make sure that your choices, decisions and actions have substance and soul than to include all of yourself? Your resources lie in all that you are, not only in parts of you. Many of us have mistaken objectivity with leaving our feelings behind, proactivity with throwing ourselves into action without reflection. If you really think about it, your best decisions and smartest moves were informed by your reactions, emotions, values and intuiton. Your feelings and motivations were present and clear, guided by correct thinking and catapulted by concrete action!
Make sure you see the whole picture by using the think-feel-act cycle:
THINK!
Don’t take anything for granted. Allow for reflection and rethink your premises and motivations when possible. Even on-the-go a brief pause can go a long way. Think together with other people if possible. Run it by them so they can help you see how your thinking is evolving. You don’t need to mull over every little thing, but taking a bit of time to think about it will, at the very least, inform your future decisions. Mindlessness is not a good way to go about life. Ask yourself the why’s, the how come’s the what if’s you need before, during and after taking steps in any direction. Thinking more will make your thinking better, so if for no other reason, do it to gain mastery of the way your wonderful mind works!
FEEL!
Your feelings are not the enemy. Feeling something might not work is your way of dealing with fears and insecurities, or real danger. Ignore it and it will come back to haunt you later in the form of implementation problems, regret or half-hearted efforts to justify your decision. Asume that your feelings are telling you something. Is it really dangerous? How can we prepare for possible pitfalls? Is it my fears talking? How can I learn to overcome them? You don’t have to over-analize your feelings. Just be with them for a while and see what they add to your exploration. I often choose between two options- when the rational has been explored thoroughly – by taking myself to feel how I sit with each of the scenarios. Often, an illuminating exercise that makes values evident! And what about positive feelings: excitement, joy, drive? They lead you in the way of your passion, your interests and values!
ACT!
Of course, it is our deeds that make a difference. No sense just thinking and feeling if we are not doing. As our expression in the world, there is really no “not doing”, as even staying still is an action of sorts. Move to action and be prepared to correct course by staying aware and on top of things as you act. Even acting on impulse will work out for you if you keep thinking and feeling in the process. Enjoy your power to do things and embrace what it sets forth. You are a moving target, so each action is only a part of who you are. Remembering that will help to bring your reflection into what you are doing every day.
I would love to hear your comments on these musings.
Do you think-feel-act on a daily basis?
Where is your biggest challenge?
Which of the three do you most frequently forget to include?
 Tenacity is indeed an admirable trait. But, when does it turn to stubbornness? On occasion, trekking along is not a good thing. Sometimes we let the mantra “never give up” guide our actions just so that we do not see ourselves as quitters. I can see many ways in which we should never give up: on life, on ourselves, on eachother, on our dreams…but surely, there are times when giving up is in order and probably the best course of action. I have been thinking about this issue lately. We all know those people we wish would have given up a long time ago, but are still at it, harming themselves, others and the very relationships they would like to build!
Again, as in the post about The Importance of Reflection, I decided to take the question to a larger audience. So I posted it on LinkedIN answers. You might want to take a chance to see the great discussion there. This question really stirred up a lot of feelings both ways. Some are passionate about never giving up and some about allowing yourself leeway for choice about when to stop something. As Karin Zastrow, author of Direct Leadership pointed out: ” I definitely have some feelings about this topic.” Many of us do. It is a big part of how we see ourselves and how we act in the world. It is a question central to staying on track with our life purpose.
Personal and organizational coach, Earl Gray set out a few groundrules he uses for knowing when he would do best to start anew:
When I realize that I have been confusing stubbornness with faith
When I can see that achieving whatever it was that I was after would compromise who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to be about
When I understood that the difficulty of that pursuit was not so much to get me to the goal of attaining it, but rather that it was for me to be strengthened in my character to prepare me for what really was the next thing
When I learned to be concerned less with the opinions of others who may see me/label me as a quitter, or in any other negative way
Ultimately, when I am able to see in a fresh way that my being is always more important than my doing – and that the most difference-making doing always comes out of an ever-deepening sense of my being – I can walk away from what ever it is, declare a do-over, and start fresh!
For me, it really does boil down to asking myself why I am on a certain path. Continuously. There is no substitute for thorough, regular soul-searching and awareness of who we are being with regards to who we want to become. Is your current course of action, everyday work and energy going in the right direction? Might it be that you have let the time to give up pass you by? What should your next step be? Finding your own way to ask yourself the difficult questions is an undertaking you should never give up on. Sometimes all that is needed is a short pause, sometimes a mini-vacation, and sometimes stopping in your tracks to take a long, hard look behind you and ahead.
It also helps to understand what emotional baggage the concept of “giving up” holds for you in particular or for the people around you. Does giving up hold an intrisic meaning? Is it, as Francisco Laborde put it, “shortspeak for trading for something else”? Is it defeat? Is it courageous? Working beyond your own assumptions is a big part of being effective, fulfilling your purpose and staying close to expressing your intentions in the world. Ultimately, giving up in general may not always be a bad thing, yet it is in each particular instance that reflection can guide your next steps. So take a deep breath and before letting the mantra take over, ask yourself:
- Would this be a good time to Give Up?
- How Do I Feel About it?
- What can I do to move forward?
 Ricardo Morell is, without a doubt, one of my closest and dearest colleagues. Ricardo brings to every intervention not only his know-how and smarts, but his heart and many talents! His perceptions are always interesting and constructive so I asked him to write a piece for this blog and he set off to do it.
Today’s post is an interesting comparison between the theater and organizational life. As a Senior Consultant for Quídam and a professional actor currently performing in Mexico City (he can be seen in “The 39 Steps”) , Ricardo is more than qualified to write on the subject. I expect you will enjoy his writing as much as I.
¡Thank you, Ricardo!
I value your point of view and am very happy to share it with the readers of this blog!
Theater is the most permanent passion of my life, but “theatricality” when it substitutes substance and occupies the place of true content is not useful and definitely a pity! Allow me to explain myself:
It will definitely get in your way when you use theatrics to impress, foster other’s admiration and basically show yourself in a form which becomes more important than your substance. Some actors that I know are very interested in the way they “present” themselves to the audience, in order to be admired. They will change dialogue, improvise and move out of character, without bothering to notice whether this is hurting the theatrical piece they are participating in. Some theater directors also make their presence known by introducing illogical scenes, movement or interpretations in the staging, that are geared more at showing their magnificence than adding value to the play as it was originally written. In both cases, they put the play at their service instead of serving the play. Stanislavsky said it much better than I: “Love the art in you and not you in the art.”
Organizations are full of “Leader/Showmen” that, with great ability, use nuances in their voice, excellent motivational videos, impeccable suits and accessories and expensive watches to captivate their “audience”. That is all just as well, but without good content behind it, there is nothing really there. Just like a coin minted on only one side would have no value as currency. You and I both know leaders that could fall into that category and the problem is that many organizations unwittingly reward this, by promoting leaders unable to do what they say int0 strategic positions. There, their behavior becomes a paradox, for instead of seeking people more competent than them to participate in their teams, they behave as impostors, afraid of being caught in their lie, and surround themselves with people that will agree with their every statement. They do not allow any light to shine on any other member of the organization, creating a dark, impersonal place to work.
The question you might to well to ask yourself is How can I know if I am being that kind of leader? or How will I find myself out if I am more worried about being admired than useful to my organization and ultimately, to myself?
In fact, it is not easy to find myself out in this sense. Will Schutz was more than clear about it when he instructed new trainers that people should come out of the workshop speaking of themselves and their learning, not of you as the trainer! Danilo Pérez, jazz musician extraordinaire, once told me something to that effect when we were talking about how to distinguish a virtuoso from an artist. He said: If you leave the concert talking about the person on the stage, with expressions like: “What speed of execution!”, “How precise!” ,”Did you see the faces he made?”, “What a great technique!” or such, surely you were in the presence of a virtuoso. An artist, on the other hand, will bring out in the audience remembrance, reflection, emotions. Danilo said that true magic is made when virtuoso and artist are one in the same. That is, if after your meeting or presentation people come up to you and say “What a great video, where did you get it?” or “Excellent Presentation!” or “What software do you use to do that?” instead of things like “While I was hearing you speak, I felt…” or “We really can’t afford to keep doing things this way.” or “I am moved by what you said.” If people never mention what it is they didn’t like in your presentation or what they don’t agree with, you should begin to worry and realize the predicament you are in. It is time to focus on content without necessarily forgetting the form. The same is true in the reverse case, if you have substance, but not a way to express it properly.
If you dare to leave aside the role of “Great Leader” to focus on being useful and serving the people you lead by listening deeply, you will be on the way to strengthening yourself and becoming an honorable, contemporary, true leader.
To sum it all up and paraphrase Stanislavsky:
“Love the leader in YOU, not you being a leader”
That’s what I believe in, but I would love to hear your opinion on this theatrical blog post! Please leave your comment below. I promise to read it.
 So you find that things aren’t working out the way you would like? The people around you go through the motions but seem to be running in place? Whether you are the leader or one of the participants in this situation, it gets to a point where energy drains and things start looking pretty gray. Have you been there? What happens when well-meaning people fall into a pattern of blind obedience? Be it because they feel they are following a great cause, or because they have been coerced into compliance, mindless followership takes its toll on innovation, motivation and overall effectiveness. And it just feels empty.
I am not talking about the people who are “truly blind” because they don’t really know the work or they don’t understand what is going on around them. Like people with an impaired vision, they will develop other senses. They will find other ways to understand and strive to experience the workplace by getting close to savvy people, or exploring new ways of doing things. They will find ways to know what they cannot see. And they will not be at ease with their condition until they have.
Blind obedients, on the other hand, have been closing their eyes shut, sometimes for so long that they have forgotten they are doing it. And they are self-righteous about it. They take pride in being committed to do the things that are expected of them. They usually feel “loyal” or “trustworthy” and are positive that they are doing the right thing and holding the ship together. Decision-making is low quality in the best case and non-existent in the worst. In fact, that is one way to tell that your team is blinded by obedience: there are no decisions made at any level but the very top. If any decision is made, it is tentative and half-hearted, waiting for management’s approval. Risk taking is an impossibility.
Of course there are times that this is the result of excessively authoritarian environments. But it is not always the case. Even admiration and true commitment can turn into blind obedience if misguided. Have you fallen into this case? Do you find the symptoms but don’t know how you got there? Are you interested in moving out of there? Are you part of a blind team or leading a blind contingent? Here’s a few things you can do:
Make sure you take off your own blindfold first! Challenge your assumptions. Actively ask yourself why you do things in a particular way. Strive to find better, creative solutions. Seek and find what you have been blind to and move from there.
Call it as you See It. Talk about the things you are discovering. Take the time to talk to others about instances where decision making is thwarted by blindness. No need to be excessively confronting, just note them at first. What would happen if we did it differently? Is deciding this so terrible? Does it need to escalate all the way up the corporate structure? Don’t focus on being right or on making immediate change, but on shining a light on the possibilities left on the table.
Involve Formal Leaders. If you are in charge, by all means make sure that you value when people think differently, even if things didn’t turn out well in that particular instance. If you are not the boss, find an effective way to get the message across: there is more potential in this team than meets the eye. Don’t allow yourself to move to blind rebelliousness to counter blind obedience. It is just another way of not being true to yourself and valuable to the team. It will still leave you blinded. Take up your views with the leaders in a manner consistent with current practices. Stretch the envelope just far enough to get the issue noticed.
I am sure many of you have had experiences with blind obedience, on either side of the blindfold. Feel free to comment here. Any insights on moving away from blind obedience?
 It used to be that disagreement was valued. Having someone counter your thoughts, after all, allows you to refine them, challenge them, figure them out. Constructive disagreement, dissent, dialogue and discussion are a great way of putting the status quo to the test. But do we listen? It seems to me that in many settings now, including the workplace, any form of disagreement is taken with offense. It is to be crushed, hidden or persecuted. People seek out like minds and conformity rather than exhilerating tète-a-tète conversations or lending ear to those who see things differently. Groupthink is glorified; blind compliance seen as desirable.
How can it be that we have all but banned disagreement in some places? That there are people that run from it like the plague?
Disagreement has become, to many people, a synonym of conflict.
It is most definitely not! Like-minded people will understand you. They will give you encouragement to stay on track. You will naturally seek them out and collaborate well with them. It’s fine to treasure those relationships and make them count. Just make sure that it is not the case that you do not listen to anything else.
Now, I don’t mean to say that being around people that shoot down your every thought as a sport is a good idea, but as always, I am all for honesty and openness. If you are a leader and nobody ever disagrees with you, you are in a very sad position indeed. Want no disagreement? Know that you will not get any real commitment and that blind compliance is never really complete. You will need to expend great ammounts of energy to keep that iron hand or that “everything is alright” environment. It is natural for us to want agreement. It solves the puzzle for us, stops the thinking wheel from turning and makes life easier. Or does it?
So resist the temptation of believing that you are simply a genius and everything you come up with is just so perfect that everyone agrees. (Yes, I know, it’s kinda nice sometimes!) Instead, make it very clear that you value diversity and welcome the chance to explore your ideas further. It does not mean you have to agree with other perspectives, or that you cannot go forward with something until everyone agrees. What is does mean is that you need to listen intently to them and respond honestly, without killing the messenger. Stress the importance of balance in thinking by having some fun with negative brainstorming. Welcoming naysayers and party-poopers into the mix effectively, requires strengthening yourself to the point where this does not pose a threat to your thinking or enthusiasm for an idea. What it should do is help you prepare it better so that once you launch you have already thought about any shortcomings and prepared for them.
In short, embracing disagreement is a great way to leverage the strengths of your team and improve on your own thinking! Teams that enjoy a healthy share of disagreement are more creative and committed to improvement. Make disagreement a legitimate part of collaboration, or be prepared to pay the price. What do you say? Do you agree? I would love your comments on this one!
 Lets continue the subject we started on the previous post “When NOT to give feedback?”
I am amazed at how many times I encounter bosses that do not give feedback to certain employees because they have no hopes that they will change. When someone in your team is underperforming, not showing a capacity for change, does not have the right profile for the job or is simply not up to speed with what the organization needs for him, that is perhaps the worst time to stay quiet about it and withhold honest feedback!
It used to be that when something like that happened, the person was immediately out of a job. Just like that. Out looking for a new one. Cold and callous? Maybe, but at least honest. People knew that they had to deliver, stay on top of their game, show an interest in their own progress. Nowadays, with the crisis and what not, there are no-hire policies in place, and fear moves both leaders and subordinates, creating reactions that turn out quite differently.
More than a few times in my client companies or those of my colleagues and friends I have witnessed people who believe they are doing well and all of the sudden lose their jobs, without any coherent explanation as to why. In that environment, they tend to cast people in villain or ally roles, making severe mistakes in their casting choices. The people who have been telling them they are fine are the real villains and those who were honestly expressing discontent with their work are the ones they should have been listening to in the first place. Learning is cut to a minimum and resentment escalates as the employee walks out the door.
The worst cost of all this is for those who stay at the company. They soon find out their leaders’ game and learn to mistrust all feedback, both positive and negative. What good is it to publicly reward and commend a collaborator if weeks later she will be fired for underperforming (even if you say its just random job cuts)? What good is it to hire a coach for someone you want out of your team as soon as a replacement is feasible? Why would you send that guy overseas for a year if he’s on your “never return” list? These examples sound extreme, right? well, each one of these questions is based on an actual situation, or several of them.
All these tactics, sometimes unconscious instead of Maquiavellian are much clearer to the work force than the bosses want to believe. They can see through you when you are favoring someone out of guilt for their impending downfall. Team members will not listen to your feedback if they see you say one thing in front of their colleagues and another behind their backs. The saddest thing is that you silence becomes toxic, not only for the person in question, but for all of the talent in your organization: those you value, the ones you are counting on for the long haul, those you want onboard with all their passion. Your silence makes it highly improbable to build an open, self-motivated, honest, focused team.
The reverse position? Being honest in the face of it all. Giving concrete, truthful feedback. Doing so with integrity. Having respect for each and every person who is in touch with you, even those that no longer serve your purpose in the workplace. That position requires courage. The courage and strength of a true leader. That’s the responsibility you accept when you are leading others. And if you don’t, in the end, that silence will become toxic to yourself as well.
- Coaching vs. Feedback (aspire-cs.com)
- On the Outside (leadertalk.mountainstate.edu)
- When NOT to give feedback? (e-quidam.com)
 Susan Mazza’s leadership blog, Random Acts of Leadership is one of my favorites! So when she said she was inspired by my post on positive thinking, I invited her to post here! It is my great honor to welcome her to this space and to share her thoughts with you. Every time I have talked to her I have found insights and inspiration. Susan is passionate about her work with organizations and leaders and has helped them improve their performance and that of their people for over 20 years. A real treat and more proof that I have some smart and generous friends!
Thanks, Susan!
In Monica’s post titled “Positive Thinking Might be Your Demise” she articulates the distinction between positive thinking that moves you forward and positive thinking that is nothing more than wishful thinking. And as I read her great articulation of this important distinction in terms of putting positive thinking into practice in a way that works, I began to reflect on the more systemic implications of positive thinking in organizations today.
In 1952 Norman Vincent Peale’s now famous book, The Power of Positive Thinking was published. The power that positive thinking can have in our lives is today an instilled cultural belief: positive thinking is a good thing and being positive is a good and the right way to be. So true, yes?
Then again, maybe not. Could being positive turn out to be a bad thing sometimes?
While most of us, at least those who are passionate about making a meaningful impact wherever we go, would rather be surrounded by people who have a positive, “can do” attitude, I have seen far too many examples of this desire feed a culture of people who are afraid to say anything that could be construed as negative.
The problem comes in not because people have both positive and negative things to say, but rather when there is a belief that positive is “good” and “negative” is bad. This can become perilous for any leader or organization when people either withhold the bad news or sugar coat it with a positive spin that clouds the real issue.
Sometimes the bad news is what needs to be shared no matter how negative it might occur. And sometimes what may occur as “negative” is actually a very good thing for business. Yet many leaders fear it. They fear what will happen if they allow a negative conversation to go too far – that somehow negativity will take over and they will lose control. It seems far safer and even smarter to deal with the complaints one on one, behind closed doors.
But it is perhaps the ultimate illusion that we can control what people really think and believe or what they will talk about.
And the more we try to prevent honest, authentic communication from happening openly in the name of “positive is good and negative is bad” for business, the more interesting it becomes to people behind the scenes. In the open in can lead to constructive conversation. In the background it rarely leads to anything more than gossip that distracts us at best and fuels resignation and cynicism at worst.
And that is when “positive” really costs you. It’s easy to listen to the good news, the positive messages. It is a lot harder to listen to the bad news, the negative messages, especially when they are directly about us or something we did. Yet it is how openly we can listen to the things that are hard to hear that will tell people whether we want to hear what is good for us or whether we want to hear what is real for them.
What message are you sending?
 What a question, right? In the context of organizations, feedback should be commonplace, well given and well received. Is it? Lately I have been working with some great companies that are still struggling with this issue. They may have in place 360 degree systems, periodical revisions and all sorts of institutional ways to tell people how there performance is going. Still, it does not happen nearly as well and nearly as frequently as it should. So, is there a time when feedback should not be given? The simple answer is no.
Ideally, you should not even need to set aside special sessions for feedback, though these can be useful and a great way of making a reflective pause in regular operations. It should be an everyday thing. Leaders at every level of the organization should be great at feedback and practice it day in and day out. Changes the organization or powers that be would like to see in their collaborators’ performance, service, attitude or overall work behavior should never come as a surprise to the people involved! They need to be addressed in a timely and effective matter. They beg to be made evident while they are still workable. Any employee that is being laid off or skipped for a promotion should already have a pretty clear notion of what she would have to change to be in a different position. Any employee that is doing a good job should know that the organization is aware of that.
Though the pace or volume of work is usually blamed for these omissions, it is not actually the case. Fear is. Fear of reactions. Fear of being silly and giving excessive feedback. Fear of not having information enough to back your perceptions. I could go on and on. You get the point. As a leader, it is your responsibility to overcome your fears and build a day-to-day feedback practice that works both ways with each of your employees and amongst your teams. A respectful, continuous feedback that makes performance appraisals sessions for review of what you have already explored together, and great opportunities for planning and strategizing change.
Another issue leaders need to be aware of is guilt. Much feedback is skipped because they know they haven’t kept their side of the bargain and are afraid what blaming the feedback would bring out. If, for instance, a boss is asking this employee to learn his trade but the company never authorizes any training, such a boss may skip the feedback regarding the issue to avoid the backlash. But if this situation will jeopardize both the employee’s compensation or permanence in the job and the company’s productivity, silence is a bad choice. Admittance of shortcomings and open discussion about what is might reveal a poor job fit or creative opportunities within current possible action. Maybe the employee can be mentored, maybe he needs to leave, maybe we can work together, change his workload, pair him up with seasoned personnel. The possibilities are endless when you address things instead of sweeping them under the rug.
Still a third reason for not giving feedback is that you have lost hope that the person can change. Perhaps she would not be in that position if it were up to you. Perhaps there are organizational reasons to keep her on board until her position can be filled by someone else. There are many excuses that might seem valid, but believing in your employees and treating them as valuable people is a better choice always. Your silence can be toxic not only to that person, but to the rest of your team. More on that in the next post.
Until then, ask yourself: When do I not give feedback? and What am I waiting for?
 It is a rare thing to find someone with power that does not abuse it in one way or the other. That’s why it is so truly admirable when we find people who are capable of balancing power with well doing. Some people just steer clear of power altogether. But, as many aspects of human nature, it is not the power itself that hurts us, it is the lack of awareness about what we do and the effects and consequences of our actions on other people. Of course, we cannot aspire to perfection. When we leave, we all leave behind us our great legacies for others to continue and a few messes they will need to pick up, too. In the best case scenario, we are hoping that the first will weigh in heavier than the latter.
Leadership without formal authority will many times breed a sort of power that is shared amongst those who have been inspired to follow that leader and join forces to effect the transformation contained in their shared vision. In that case, it is the group that serves as a conscience, sets limits and assures that power is used and not abused.
But what about when we have come to a point where our leadership is accompanied by formal authority or the sheer power that position, money or organizational level afford us? In that case, any one of us could find themselves abusing their power, even when that was not our original intention. As Uncle Peter would say,
With great power comes great responsibility.
But the greatest responsibility of all is to wield that power to improve life, to create a legacy worth continuing, namely, for the common good as well as your own! There are a few things you should consider to make your power work in favor of your aspirations:
Get People to Listen To. Like Jiminy Cricket, it might be nice if we all had someone that could help us figure out the effect of our actions as we are thinking them over or beginning to choose our path. The best leaders surround themselves by people who will question them, debate possible results, tell them when they are being inconsistent, unjust or damaging. The challenge is to keep that group free and capable. To make sure they are not afraid of calling it as it is, that they stay true to their own ethics and not the interests of a few and that they are powerful themselves. Choose carefully who you are going to listen to because, to some extent, you are sharing your own power with them.
Understand Who Knows and Who Cares: Before each decision, a wise leader will seek out those who can inform and add relevant points of view to the case in question. Beyond the obvious, you can expand your view as much as possible, especially by including the perspective of the people that will most be affected by your decision.
Live to Serve. The sooner you realize that your power will grow and thrive the more you use it to serve others, the better. When you do, you will find focus, purpose and strength to use the power you have. Leaders that do not understand the importance of service are bound to lose power in the end and find ever more unsurmountable obstacles in their path.
Remember What Brought You Here. And also, where you are heading. Review your motives periodically, your life purpose. Any power you have can possibly change your reality and that of others. All the better if these changes are aligned with what you are hoping to create for others and yourself.
By observing these four aspects and moving from one to the other constantly, leaders can make sure they keep a wide perspective and exert power in a positive way. You will make mistakes, or course, but you will be able to actively avoid abuse and recognize it when it does appear, in time to correct course. Power put at the service of human greatness is a noteworthy thing of beauty. You need to be big enough to access it.
Have power? Use it well.
 This wonderful post first appeared in Mary Jo Asmus’ great blog on Leadership. I just had to share it here, and she was generous enough to allow it. Mary Jo owns and operates Aspire Collaborative Services, a firm that partners with great leaders to help them become even greater! I am an avid reader of her posts and tweets, with which I frequently agree. She is a gifted writer, coach and communicator and I hope to have her guest blog for us even more in the future. Thanks, Mary Jo!
You’re leading a monthly meeting. You’ve asked your team members to provide their input on a topic. Unlike your teenager who at least shrugs his shoulders (or says “I don’t know”) when you ask for his opinion, you get silent stares from your team. What could be going on?
Are your team members incompetent? Do they even know enough about the subject to speak up? Don’t they know that their input is important? Actually, you may need to look to yourself and your behavior as the cause.
The behaviors you exhibit may be shutting your team down. Luckily, these behaviors can be fixed over time, increasing the liklihood that you will get the input you seek. Let’s explore the behaviors that may be preventing your team from speaking up:
- You are not listening: Are you doing all the talking? Are you shutting people down or cutting them off?
- You have ignored your team’s input: Do you have a history of asking for input and then doing whatever you think is right anyway?
- You are asking the wrong kind of questions: Are your questions the kind that don’t foster discussion (yes/no questions for example)? Are the questions you are asking ones that you already know the answers to?
- You supply the answers to the questions: Do you ask the question and then supply your own answers? Are you allowing the silence necessary for your team to consider their answer (yes, silence can be a good thing in this case)?
- You shoot the messenger: Do you respond with your opinion (often negative) to the responses you’ve received? Do you feel the need to judge every answer?
- Are you showing impatience or temper? Does your body language indicate that you are not getting the kind of answers you want? Are you rolling your eyes or sighing when a team member responds to a question? Worse yet, are you showing signs of anger or exhibiting outbursts?
Is it possible that any of these behaviors apply to you? Ask someone you trust to observe you and provide some feedback. If you find that you are exhibiting any of the behaviors above, you need to change your behavior. You’ve lost respect – for yourself and for others – and are on a downward spiral. It’s recoverable. More about how to recover in the next post.
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What better way to make sure that your choices, decisions and actions have substance and soul than to include all of yourself? Your resources lie in all that you are, not only in parts of you. Many of us have mistaken objectivity with leaving our feelings behind, proactivity with throwing ourselves into action without reflection. If you really think about it, your best decisions and smartest moves were informed by your reactions, emotions, values and intuiton. Your feelings and motivations were present and clear, guided by correct thinking and catapulted by concrete action!![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=fcee447e-5963-4455-8158-317843c8118b)
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